Becoming emotionally independent

Don’t depend too much on others as source of all your own needs. It might be easy to depend on others for their opinions and help, but if you are not careful you can lose sight of your individuality. In depending on others for our emotional needs, we never truly know who we are. Remember that sometimes peoples may not be there for you due to their own personal, uncontrollable reasons and they will come and go in your life. What you should know is that your emotional strength (happiness, validation, etc.) are within you. We can find that inner sense of peace and independence by accepting ourselves, modifying our thinking and taking active strides to be true to who we are and who we feel. Please find some helpful tips on how to be emotionally independent if you are a kind of person who cannot make any big decisions before asking all of your friends their opinion or you're extremely uncomfortable doing things alone.

Decide for yourself and do your own thing

When you have decided for yourself, work up to speaking out about it. It's possible other people feel similarly but are too shy to say anything. You may also bring up a good point that no one else considered. Knowing when to say no will also increase your independence. The next time you have an opportunity to do something that you just don't feel like doing, say no. Not only do you not want to partake in this activity, but it's totally fine if you don't live up to others' expectations because it doesn't bother you. 

You should try to do your own thing to avoid always be dependent on others. You are your own person and therefore you're going to do your own thing, whatever that means. When you find who you are and stick to it, no one can stop that inner sense of happiness that'll prevail as a result.

Increase your self-esteem

A belief that you are unable to care for yourself without the help of others is often linked to low self-esteem. You can empower yourself by increasing self-esteem and self-compassion. Sometimes becoming more self-sufficient means you need to look deep inside yourself. Are you proud of who you are? Do you feel confident in your everyday choices? Having higher self-esteem could be the special ingredient you've been looking for.

Learn to be comfortable with your independence and be more assertive

As you grow up, you may go through some tough obstacles that will make you a strong, independent person. When you lose your sense of independence, develop a hobby, as you need to learn to be comfortable with your independent time. Learn good self-care habits including getting enough sleep, eating well, taking time for yourself, and having a good work or school, and life balance. Pleasing everyone is never going to happen. When you put other's feelings in front of your own, you can lose focus on what you truly want out of life. Assertiveness is an expression that conveys that your opinions and feelings hold the same weight as those of other people. If we assert our feelings by telling others what we truly want from them, we not only gain more respect interpersonally, but we become more emotionally independent as a result.

Learn to fix your own problems and expect little from others

In order to not depend on others, we've got to fix our own problems. So the next time you're feeling down in the dumps, take it on your own shoulders to do something about it. Spend the night doing something you really enjoy or just relax. When you're successful, this can show you that you have the power to make everything better, not other people. We're all humans and at the end of the day, we have to be selfish and put ourselves first to be happy. Everyone else does it, so you can, too – without feeling any guilt. Keeping this in mind can help you from getting your hopes up and then being let down. When you have few expectations of people, it's easier for others to meet them. And it'll be easier to notice who still struggles meeting your lack of expectation and who consistently rises to the top.

Stop asking for permission from others

Instead of asking others for permission, follow your gut and do what you already know you're supposed to do. Being emotionally strong means you know the right decisions to make and are not afraid to make them. Why give so much power to others when you clearly have it within yourself to make good decisions? You risk losing your power and your motivation by asking everyone around you for permission to move forward with your idea.

Changing your thinking

In order to take control of your thinking and emotions, you've got to take responsibility.

·         This forces you to become reliant on yourself for a solution. You start thinking about what options you have at your disposal to improve the situation instead of staying in misery. Please always remember that your happiness is within you and not from others. You decide what makes you happy and it has nothing to do with the outside world. It comes from within – you can't find it out there. You have control over all your feelings. Every emotion you want to feel, you can. Every emotion you don't want to feel, you don't have to. 

      These tips will help you create your own source of happiness and validation, and then you walk around as a whole, happy human being, needing nothing more. You will also become an emotionally strong individual who enters all future relationships, or re-enters present ones, with a newfound inner strength.

     Written by Agnes Mbonyiryivuze

Take responsibility for your life and you will take control of your life

You feel so much better about yourself even if you only take personal responsibility for your own life. Take responsibility; accept control; move forward.  

Once you accept responsibility for yourself, people will acknowledge and respect that. Those who don't align with your lifestyle, or support you reaching your goals, will weed themselves out in your path to fulfillment. Believe in yourself, push yourself, and learn to accept whatever may come. Become your conductor in life. Rather than feeling the weight of mental weakness, you will soon take initiative and become proactive with your newfound self-esteem. You won't wait on others for answers. You'll look within, find drive and with this decision, move forward.

1. Give yourself the permission to live the life you want.

By taking responsibility for our lives we not only gain control of what happens. It also becomes natural to feel like you deserve more in life as your self-esteem builds. By removing the inner resistance you must feel and think that you actually deserve what you want. You may be able to do a little about that by affirmations and other positive techniques. But the biggest impact by far comes from taking responsibility for yourself and your life.

2. There is always a price to pay.

Not taking responsibility may be less demanding, less painful and mean less time spent in the unknown. It’s more comfortable. You can just take it easy and blame problems in your life on someone else. But there is always a price to pay. When you don’t take responsibility for your life you give away your personal power.

3. Give yourself freedom.

By taking responsibility for yourself, and only yourself, you become aware of the true connection between your inner and outer world.   You are the one and only creator of your life. Taking responsibility for yourself gives you freedom, because it grants you true awareness of your power as a creator. There is no one else to blame for what your life is.  When we take responsibility, we take back control of our experience. 

4. Build your self-esteem.

The big reasons why do people often have self-esteem problems are from not taking responsibility for their lives. Instead someone else is blamed for the bad things that happen and a victim mentality is created and empowered. This damages many vital parts in your life and will not stop until you wise up and take responsibility for your life. This is also a way to stop relying on external validation like praise from other people to feel good about you.  Start building stability within and a sort of inner spring that fuels your life with positive emotions no matter what other people say or do around you.

5. Know the limits of your responsibility.

Taking responsibility for your life is great. But that is also all that you have control over. You can’t control the results of your actions. You can’t control how someone reacts to what you say or what you do. It’s important to know where your limits are in order to avoid a lot unnecessary suffering for yourself and waste energy and focus by taking responsibility for what you can’t and never really could control.

6. Take responsibility of your thoughts, words, and actions.

You must take responsibility for your thoughts, words, and actions. Without taking responsibility for your life, your thoughts often just stay on that mental stage and aren’t translated into action. Taking responsibility for your life is that extra ingredient that makes taking action more of a natural thing. You don’t get stuck in just thinking, thinking and wishing so much. You become proactive instead of passive.

7. Aim to be your best self.

The cause of our problems is not outside of us. We do not need to wait for anyone or anything to happen to change our lives. The beginning of change always lies within us.  By taking full and complete responsibility for both the roots and the fruits in our lives, we will change our lives for the better. If you want your life to change and if you want less to complain about, you are going to need to change how you think. Aims to build your self-esteem to higher levels to gain an inner stability and create your own positive feelings within without the help of validation from other people. You will discover that many smaller problems you experience regularly such as negative thinking, self-defeating behaviour and troubled relationships with yourself and others start to correct themselves as your self-esteem improves.

8. Stop having too much fear.

Fear is like a parasite inside of you, and it feels very threatened by the idea of freedom and of living with conscious awareness.  Be aware of this fear parasite as you learn and grow in wisdom and experience. If you can become aware of how fear uses you to feed itself, you can overcome it by simply being aware. When you become aware of the choices that fear is trying to make for you, you have taken responsibility for yourself, and are one step closer to being completely free. This internal parasite feeds off of drama, judgments, negative emotions and off of your fear of change. 

“One of the greatest challenges in creating a joyful, peaceful and abundant life is taking responsibility for what you do and how you do it. As long as you can blame someone else, be angry with someone else, point a finger at someone else, you are not taking responsibility for your life.”

—Iyanla Vanzant

Writen by Agnes Mbonyiryivuze

Best ways to get more women in STEM

The lack of women in STEM (Science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) will continue to plague our society, countries as well as the entire world until all students, regardless of sex, have adequate opportunities to explore math and science throughout elementary, middle and high school. If we want to attract the best and brightest minds into the fields that will move us forward, we must look to all of the population. More women can contribute to our field, and we can help make that happen. 

If young boys and girls are equally exposed and encouraged to study STEM, those with talent and a genuine interest in those fields will be able to develop that interest. As women become more prevalent in STEM careers, more and more young girls will begin to recognize the additional career opportunities open to them. With more women in the field, it will become more evident to young girls what they can offer the world.

Below are a few strategies for how we can help.

1.Stress that STEM careers lead to social good and meaningful careers

Mentors, parents and educators must do a better job of highlighting the impact of various STEM careers, so girls and women are armed with the knowledge they need to make informed decisions about their future.

2. Take charge and educate

Women can visit the websites of multiple professional organizations such as  Rwandan Association of Woman in Science and Engineering (Rawise), Organization for Women in Science for the Developing World (OWSD), just to name a few. These resources present a tremendous opportunity to learn a great deal about the field, about what it's like to be a woman in a specific STEM profession, about career opportunities, and so on. While it might not be as enlightening as face-to-face communication with a professional in the field, it will certainly give women an informed starting point from which they can grow.

3. Expose young girls to STEM

Correcting the negative perceptions that girls develop at a young age can, however, lead them to embrace STEM when they reach high school, rather than avoid the subjects.

Administrators and educators must strive to create environments in high school and college math and science programs that are inviting females if we want to prevent the likelihood of their choosing a different direction. We stand to gain a lot by exposing young girls to STEM fields and encouraging those who are interested to follow their hearts and minds. Simply focusing attention on one age group cannot cure all societal issues that influence career choices among females

4. Mentorship programs

Early evidence suggests that mentoring moments work. We just need to ensure that they happen consistently and continuously. It is a lifelong journey. Young girls and women studying STEM needs to have the support from mentors. We must inspire girls and women, guide them and build their self-confidence throughout their academic and professional lives. Finding a mentor early on can do wonders for building confidence and translating it into career satisfaction. The people that are chosen as mentors need to have the capacity and capability to lead young people toward success. A mentor is not only someone who is willing to spend time teaching techniques and processes, but also someone who takes an interest in long-term advancement

5. Show girls that STEM is about trial-and-error

It’s important that we show girls that STEM fields rely on trial-and-error and that they’ll rarely find a solution on the first try. Girls feel much more pressure than boys to be perfect, so we have to drive home the fact that perfect is not always necessary, and sometimes hinders the learning process. In fact, the engineering design process is all about testing a concept and readjusting when it fails.

6. Provide teachers with the tools they need

In order to meet the future demand of STEM jobs, we must ensure STEM teachers are equipped to offer hands-on and project-based learning experiences to engage girls and minority students in these subjects early on. University of Rwanda- College of Education is providing teachers with the resources they need to adequately educate students, especially those underrepresented, in STEM fields.

7. Encourage participation in special programs

Without understanding the opportunities that are available to students of math and science, young women may think they have made a mistake when facing the challenges of completing a STEM major. The good news is that current programs focused on increasing young girls' interest in those fields are tremendous. But without them, there are potential long-term consequences, even for girls who select a STEM path in college. More and more workshops are available nowadays that encourage young girls to maintain their interest in STEM fields.

8. Women role models in STEM

The lack of women in STEM – as role models, mentors, colleagues and leaders – has a dramatic impact on girls’ interest in these fields and, to some extent, their persistence in sticking with them and advancing. Young girls and women in STEM at their early stage must interactions with successful women or role models in STEM fields. We must ensure girls and young women have strong female role models to help them feel like they belong in those fields.

Have you seen any success stories where girls are supported in STEM, or are you involved in any directly? Please share in the comments area below

Written by Agnes Mbonyiryivuze

Be stress free from now!

The life is full of stresses but sometimes we contribute to them without knowing. 

It is possible to reduce, and prevent the stress if we use some of these following tips:

1. Identify stressors 

This is the most important step of all. Identifying the things that stress you out in your life is the first step towards eliminating them.

2. Desorganization

Take time to get things in your life organized starting with your desk and papers in your home.

3. Slow down

Instead of rushing through life, learn to take things slow. Enjoy your food, enjoy people around you, enjoy nature. This step alone can save tons of stress.

4. Be grateful

Learn to be grateful for what you have, for people in you life and see it as a gift.

5. Simplify your life

Simplify your commitments, your information intake, your cluttered rooms, the mass of stuff going on in your life,
and have less stress as result.

6. Avoid difficult people

If you take a minute you can identify all the people in your life who make your life more difficult. Just cut them out of your life.

7. Change your thinking

Negative thinking can trigger your body's stress response, just as a real threat does. Stressful events can make you feel bad about yourself. You might start focusing on only the bad and not the good in a situation. This can make you feel afraid, insecure, depressed, or anxious. It's also common to feel a lack of control or self-worth. Dealing with these negative thoughts and the way you see things can help reduce stress

8. Controlling

The only thing you can control is yourself. Work out on that before you consider controlling the world. Learn to let it go, and accept the way that other people do things, and accept what happening in different situations.

9. Lateness

Being late always stresses us out. We have to rush to get there and stress out the whole time about looking bad and being late.

10. Procrastination

Allow stuff to pile up will stress you out.

11.Get support

Sometimes, it can be hard to ask for help. But doing so doesn't mean you're weak. If you're feeling stressed, you can look for support from family, friends, and your community. This has a big impact on how you experience stress. Having support in your life can help you stay healthy.

12. Eliminate unnecessary commitments

See all commitments you have and remove the ones that are the most to stress you out.

13. Develop ssertive communication

Assertive communication helps you express how you feel in a thoughtful and tactful way. Not being able to talk about your needs and concerns creates stress and can make negative feelings worse

Thank you!

Written by Agnes Mbonyiryivuze