Becoming emotionally independent

Don’t depend too much on others as source of all your own needs. It might be easy to depend on others for their opinions and help, but if you are not careful you can lose sight of your individuality. In depending on others for our emotional needs, we never truly know who we are. Remember that sometimes peoples may not be there for you due to their own personal, uncontrollable reasons and they will come and go in your life. What you should know is that your emotional strength (happiness, validation, etc.) are within you. We can find that inner sense of peace and independence by accepting ourselves, modifying our thinking and taking active strides to be true to who we are and who we feel. Please find some helpful tips on how to be emotionally independent if you are a kind of person who cannot make any big decisions before asking all of your friends their opinion or you're extremely uncomfortable doing things alone.

Decide for yourself and do your own thing

When you have decided for yourself, work up to speaking out about it. It's possible other people feel similarly but are too shy to say anything. You may also bring up a good point that no one else considered. Knowing when to say no will also increase your independence. The next time you have an opportunity to do something that you just don't feel like doing, say no. Not only do you not want to partake in this activity, but it's totally fine if you don't live up to others' expectations because it doesn't bother you. 

You should try to do your own thing to avoid always be dependent on others. You are your own person and therefore you're going to do your own thing, whatever that means. When you find who you are and stick to it, no one can stop that inner sense of happiness that'll prevail as a result.

Increase your self-esteem

A belief that you are unable to care for yourself without the help of others is often linked to low self-esteem. You can empower yourself by increasing self-esteem and self-compassion. Sometimes becoming more self-sufficient means you need to look deep inside yourself. Are you proud of who you are? Do you feel confident in your everyday choices? Having higher self-esteem could be the special ingredient you've been looking for.

Learn to be comfortable with your independence and be more assertive

As you grow up, you may go through some tough obstacles that will make you a strong, independent person. When you lose your sense of independence, develop a hobby, as you need to learn to be comfortable with your independent time. Learn good self-care habits including getting enough sleep, eating well, taking time for yourself, and having a good work or school, and life balance. Pleasing everyone is never going to happen. When you put other's feelings in front of your own, you can lose focus on what you truly want out of life. Assertiveness is an expression that conveys that your opinions and feelings hold the same weight as those of other people. If we assert our feelings by telling others what we truly want from them, we not only gain more respect interpersonally, but we become more emotionally independent as a result.

Learn to fix your own problems and expect little from others

In order to not depend on others, we've got to fix our own problems. So the next time you're feeling down in the dumps, take it on your own shoulders to do something about it. Spend the night doing something you really enjoy or just relax. When you're successful, this can show you that you have the power to make everything better, not other people. We're all humans and at the end of the day, we have to be selfish and put ourselves first to be happy. Everyone else does it, so you can, too – without feeling any guilt. Keeping this in mind can help you from getting your hopes up and then being let down. When you have few expectations of people, it's easier for others to meet them. And it'll be easier to notice who still struggles meeting your lack of expectation and who consistently rises to the top.

Stop asking for permission from others

Instead of asking others for permission, follow your gut and do what you already know you're supposed to do. Being emotionally strong means you know the right decisions to make and are not afraid to make them. Why give so much power to others when you clearly have it within yourself to make good decisions? You risk losing your power and your motivation by asking everyone around you for permission to move forward with your idea.

Changing your thinking

In order to take control of your thinking and emotions, you've got to take responsibility.

·         This forces you to become reliant on yourself for a solution. You start thinking about what options you have at your disposal to improve the situation instead of staying in misery. Please always remember that your happiness is within you and not from others. You decide what makes you happy and it has nothing to do with the outside world. It comes from within – you can't find it out there. You have control over all your feelings. Every emotion you want to feel, you can. Every emotion you don't want to feel, you don't have to. 

      These tips will help you create your own source of happiness and validation, and then you walk around as a whole, happy human being, needing nothing more. You will also become an emotionally strong individual who enters all future relationships, or re-enters present ones, with a newfound inner strength.

     Written by Agnes Mbonyiryivuze