It is time to take back your power

Giving away your personal power destroys your chances of success. As long as you allow other people to have a negative influence over the way you think, feel, and behave, you’ll struggle reach your greatest potential. Giving away your power robs you of mental strength and derails you from your goals. There are several ways you might be giving away your power. And, you might not even realize you’re doing it. Please decide to stand in your power and your life will change for good.

Set boundaries

It is very important to set boundaries. It is time for you to set some boundaries if someone is making you unhappy because of repetitively bad behavior, or because of something they are doing or saying that you have good reason to feel miserable about. Don’t be people pleaser by not saying anything as when you do this, you are giving away your power to their behavior. You get to decide who to allow into your life. If you grow resentful of people who take up too much of your energy, it’s a sign you aren’t setting clear boundaries. Letting people waste your time, and refusing to speak up for yourself gives people power over you. Rather than blame others for forcing you to do something, recognize that you're in charge. Establish healthy physical and emotional boundaries that leave you feeling in control of how you spend time and who you spend it with.

 Let go when someone has wronged you

If someone has badly wronged you and they aren’t even slightly regretful about it, then continuing to think over the situation means you are giving away your power to them. Committing to letting go of any anger or hurt is the best way to win back your power. Grudges won’t do anything to diminish the other person’s life, but it can cause destruction on your own. Whether someone hurt you yesterday or 10 years ago, holding a grudge allows that person to take up more space in your life. If you learn to do not relying on people for your worth and start generating your own approval and acknowledgment, you won’t feel loose when somebody doesn’t give you what you expect. The less we depend on people for validation, the stronger we’ll become and the higher we will go.

Don’t complain

Regarding all you have to do, you also get to decide how to spend your time. No one forces you to go to work, see the dentist, or attend that family gathering. As an adult, you get to make the rules.

Do not also waste time complaining. Complaining about how much you have to do tomorrow how bad the event was, gives unpleasant events power over your life. While problem-solving is a good use of your time, venting and complaining aren't helpful. Commit to focusing on solutions, rather than dwelling on your problems.

 Do not allow others to make decisions and/or speak for you

If you change your mind every time someone pulls your heart strings, you give others power over your behavior. If you really don’t want to do something, be strong enough to stick to your choices, even when someone tries to take you on a guilt journey. You don’t have any excuse for allowing others to run your life. You have it within you to make a good decision, you can do the research, you can use your own intuition, and you don’t need someone else to make all of your decisions. Stand up for yourself, speak up, and don’t let others dominate you. Changing track just because someone doubts your abilities gives that person power over your life. Furthermore, do not even let anyone to define you. Not everyone is going to like you. But, you don’t have to let one person’s opinion define who you are or how you feel about yourself. It is also very important to do not allow other people to define on how you to spend your day. The kind of day you're going to have should not center around the boss's mood or your co-worker's actions. It’s up to you to make it a good day despite whatever is happening around you.

Take Back Your Power: It’s never too late to take back your power. Commit yourself becoming the driver in your life and not the passenger. Decide that you’re going to be in control of how you think, feel, and behave regardless of the situation you find yourself in.

written by Agnes Mbonyiryivuze

Why do people hate public speaking?

Killing tips for presenting & public speaking 

The fear of public speaking is very real. The average person ranks the fear of public speaking higher than the fear of death. This fear could be hurting your professional and personal life.  

•  Lack of positive experience
• Being the center of attention
• Feelings of isolation
• Being  judged by an audience
• Fear of failure

Here are some ways to be used to overcome your fears of public speaking.

The main phases for successfully preparation; delivery and evaluation of your public speaking are mentioned below:

Planning

§  Identify your audience

§  Outline your content

§  Produce

    Perform

§  Open presentation confidently

§  Transition well

§  Set themes
§  Inspire and entertain

       Reflect

§  Evaluate the overall effectiveness

§  Analyze

§  Improve

 Written by Agnes Mbonyiryivuze

Becoming emotionally independent

Don’t depend too much on others as source of all your own needs. It might be easy to depend on others for their opinions and help, but if you are not careful you can lose sight of your individuality. In depending on others for our emotional needs, we never truly know who we are. Remember that sometimes peoples may not be there for you due to their own personal, uncontrollable reasons and they will come and go in your life. What you should know is that your emotional strength (happiness, validation, etc.) are within you. We can find that inner sense of peace and independence by accepting ourselves, modifying our thinking and taking active strides to be true to who we are and who we feel. Please find some helpful tips on how to be emotionally independent if you are a kind of person who cannot make any big decisions before asking all of your friends their opinion or you're extremely uncomfortable doing things alone.

Decide for yourself and do your own thing

When you have decided for yourself, work up to speaking out about it. It's possible other people feel similarly but are too shy to say anything. You may also bring up a good point that no one else considered. Knowing when to say no will also increase your independence. The next time you have an opportunity to do something that you just don't feel like doing, say no. Not only do you not want to partake in this activity, but it's totally fine if you don't live up to others' expectations because it doesn't bother you. 

You should try to do your own thing to avoid always be dependent on others. You are your own person and therefore you're going to do your own thing, whatever that means. When you find who you are and stick to it, no one can stop that inner sense of happiness that'll prevail as a result.

Increase your self-esteem

A belief that you are unable to care for yourself without the help of others is often linked to low self-esteem. You can empower yourself by increasing self-esteem and self-compassion. Sometimes becoming more self-sufficient means you need to look deep inside yourself. Are you proud of who you are? Do you feel confident in your everyday choices? Having higher self-esteem could be the special ingredient you've been looking for.

Learn to be comfortable with your independence and be more assertive

As you grow up, you may go through some tough obstacles that will make you a strong, independent person. When you lose your sense of independence, develop a hobby, as you need to learn to be comfortable with your independent time. Learn good self-care habits including getting enough sleep, eating well, taking time for yourself, and having a good work or school, and life balance. Pleasing everyone is never going to happen. When you put other's feelings in front of your own, you can lose focus on what you truly want out of life. Assertiveness is an expression that conveys that your opinions and feelings hold the same weight as those of other people. If we assert our feelings by telling others what we truly want from them, we not only gain more respect interpersonally, but we become more emotionally independent as a result.

Learn to fix your own problems and expect little from others

In order to not depend on others, we've got to fix our own problems. So the next time you're feeling down in the dumps, take it on your own shoulders to do something about it. Spend the night doing something you really enjoy or just relax. When you're successful, this can show you that you have the power to make everything better, not other people. We're all humans and at the end of the day, we have to be selfish and put ourselves first to be happy. Everyone else does it, so you can, too – without feeling any guilt. Keeping this in mind can help you from getting your hopes up and then being let down. When you have few expectations of people, it's easier for others to meet them. And it'll be easier to notice who still struggles meeting your lack of expectation and who consistently rises to the top.

Stop asking for permission from others

Instead of asking others for permission, follow your gut and do what you already know you're supposed to do. Being emotionally strong means you know the right decisions to make and are not afraid to make them. Why give so much power to others when you clearly have it within yourself to make good decisions? You risk losing your power and your motivation by asking everyone around you for permission to move forward with your idea.

Changing your thinking

In order to take control of your thinking and emotions, you've got to take responsibility.

·         This forces you to become reliant on yourself for a solution. You start thinking about what options you have at your disposal to improve the situation instead of staying in misery. Please always remember that your happiness is within you and not from others. You decide what makes you happy and it has nothing to do with the outside world. It comes from within – you can't find it out there. You have control over all your feelings. Every emotion you want to feel, you can. Every emotion you don't want to feel, you don't have to. 

      These tips will help you create your own source of happiness and validation, and then you walk around as a whole, happy human being, needing nothing more. You will also become an emotionally strong individual who enters all future relationships, or re-enters present ones, with a newfound inner strength.

     Written by Agnes Mbonyiryivuze

Take responsibility for your life and you will take control of your life

You feel so much better about yourself even if you only take personal responsibility for your own life. Take responsibility; accept control; move forward.  

Once you accept responsibility for yourself, people will acknowledge and respect that. Those who don't align with your lifestyle, or support you reaching your goals, will weed themselves out in your path to fulfillment. Believe in yourself, push yourself, and learn to accept whatever may come. Become your conductor in life. Rather than feeling the weight of mental weakness, you will soon take initiative and become proactive with your newfound self-esteem. You won't wait on others for answers. You'll look within, find drive and with this decision, move forward.

1. Give yourself the permission to live the life you want.

By taking responsibility for our lives we not only gain control of what happens. It also becomes natural to feel like you deserve more in life as your self-esteem builds. By removing the inner resistance you must feel and think that you actually deserve what you want. You may be able to do a little about that by affirmations and other positive techniques. But the biggest impact by far comes from taking responsibility for yourself and your life.

2. There is always a price to pay.

Not taking responsibility may be less demanding, less painful and mean less time spent in the unknown. It’s more comfortable. You can just take it easy and blame problems in your life on someone else. But there is always a price to pay. When you don’t take responsibility for your life you give away your personal power.

3. Give yourself freedom.

By taking responsibility for yourself, and only yourself, you become aware of the true connection between your inner and outer world.   You are the one and only creator of your life. Taking responsibility for yourself gives you freedom, because it grants you true awareness of your power as a creator. There is no one else to blame for what your life is.  When we take responsibility, we take back control of our experience. 

4. Build your self-esteem.

The big reasons why do people often have self-esteem problems are from not taking responsibility for their lives. Instead someone else is blamed for the bad things that happen and a victim mentality is created and empowered. This damages many vital parts in your life and will not stop until you wise up and take responsibility for your life. This is also a way to stop relying on external validation like praise from other people to feel good about you.  Start building stability within and a sort of inner spring that fuels your life with positive emotions no matter what other people say or do around you.

5. Know the limits of your responsibility.

Taking responsibility for your life is great. But that is also all that you have control over. You can’t control the results of your actions. You can’t control how someone reacts to what you say or what you do. It’s important to know where your limits are in order to avoid a lot unnecessary suffering for yourself and waste energy and focus by taking responsibility for what you can’t and never really could control.

6. Take responsibility of your thoughts, words, and actions.

You must take responsibility for your thoughts, words, and actions. Without taking responsibility for your life, your thoughts often just stay on that mental stage and aren’t translated into action. Taking responsibility for your life is that extra ingredient that makes taking action more of a natural thing. You don’t get stuck in just thinking, thinking and wishing so much. You become proactive instead of passive.

7. Aim to be your best self.

The cause of our problems is not outside of us. We do not need to wait for anyone or anything to happen to change our lives. The beginning of change always lies within us.  By taking full and complete responsibility for both the roots and the fruits in our lives, we will change our lives for the better. If you want your life to change and if you want less to complain about, you are going to need to change how you think. Aims to build your self-esteem to higher levels to gain an inner stability and create your own positive feelings within without the help of validation from other people. You will discover that many smaller problems you experience regularly such as negative thinking, self-defeating behaviour and troubled relationships with yourself and others start to correct themselves as your self-esteem improves.

8. Stop having too much fear.

Fear is like a parasite inside of you, and it feels very threatened by the idea of freedom and of living with conscious awareness.  Be aware of this fear parasite as you learn and grow in wisdom and experience. If you can become aware of how fear uses you to feed itself, you can overcome it by simply being aware. When you become aware of the choices that fear is trying to make for you, you have taken responsibility for yourself, and are one step closer to being completely free. This internal parasite feeds off of drama, judgments, negative emotions and off of your fear of change. 

“One of the greatest challenges in creating a joyful, peaceful and abundant life is taking responsibility for what you do and how you do it. As long as you can blame someone else, be angry with someone else, point a finger at someone else, you are not taking responsibility for your life.”

—Iyanla Vanzant

Writen by Agnes Mbonyiryivuze

Best ways to get more women in STEM

The lack of women in STEM (Science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) will continue to plague our society, countries as well as the entire world until all students, regardless of sex, have adequate opportunities to explore math and science throughout elementary, middle and high school. If we want to attract the best and brightest minds into the fields that will move us forward, we must look to all of the population. More women can contribute to our field, and we can help make that happen. 

If young boys and girls are equally exposed and encouraged to study STEM, those with talent and a genuine interest in those fields will be able to develop that interest. As women become more prevalent in STEM careers, more and more young girls will begin to recognize the additional career opportunities open to them. With more women in the field, it will become more evident to young girls what they can offer the world.

Below are a few strategies for how we can help.

1.Stress that STEM careers lead to social good and meaningful careers

Mentors, parents and educators must do a better job of highlighting the impact of various STEM careers, so girls and women are armed with the knowledge they need to make informed decisions about their future.

2. Take charge and educate

Women can visit the websites of multiple professional organizations such as  Rwandan Association of Woman in Science and Engineering (Rawise), Organization for Women in Science for the Developing World (OWSD), just to name a few. These resources present a tremendous opportunity to learn a great deal about the field, about what it's like to be a woman in a specific STEM profession, about career opportunities, and so on. While it might not be as enlightening as face-to-face communication with a professional in the field, it will certainly give women an informed starting point from which they can grow.

3. Expose young girls to STEM

Correcting the negative perceptions that girls develop at a young age can, however, lead them to embrace STEM when they reach high school, rather than avoid the subjects.

Administrators and educators must strive to create environments in high school and college math and science programs that are inviting females if we want to prevent the likelihood of their choosing a different direction. We stand to gain a lot by exposing young girls to STEM fields and encouraging those who are interested to follow their hearts and minds. Simply focusing attention on one age group cannot cure all societal issues that influence career choices among females

4. Mentorship programs

Early evidence suggests that mentoring moments work. We just need to ensure that they happen consistently and continuously. It is a lifelong journey. Young girls and women studying STEM needs to have the support from mentors. We must inspire girls and women, guide them and build their self-confidence throughout their academic and professional lives. Finding a mentor early on can do wonders for building confidence and translating it into career satisfaction. The people that are chosen as mentors need to have the capacity and capability to lead young people toward success. A mentor is not only someone who is willing to spend time teaching techniques and processes, but also someone who takes an interest in long-term advancement

5. Show girls that STEM is about trial-and-error

It’s important that we show girls that STEM fields rely on trial-and-error and that they’ll rarely find a solution on the first try. Girls feel much more pressure than boys to be perfect, so we have to drive home the fact that perfect is not always necessary, and sometimes hinders the learning process. In fact, the engineering design process is all about testing a concept and readjusting when it fails.

6. Provide teachers with the tools they need

In order to meet the future demand of STEM jobs, we must ensure STEM teachers are equipped to offer hands-on and project-based learning experiences to engage girls and minority students in these subjects early on. University of Rwanda- College of Education is providing teachers with the resources they need to adequately educate students, especially those underrepresented, in STEM fields.

7. Encourage participation in special programs

Without understanding the opportunities that are available to students of math and science, young women may think they have made a mistake when facing the challenges of completing a STEM major. The good news is that current programs focused on increasing young girls' interest in those fields are tremendous. But without them, there are potential long-term consequences, even for girls who select a STEM path in college. More and more workshops are available nowadays that encourage young girls to maintain their interest in STEM fields.

8. Women role models in STEM

The lack of women in STEM – as role models, mentors, colleagues and leaders – has a dramatic impact on girls’ interest in these fields and, to some extent, their persistence in sticking with them and advancing. Young girls and women in STEM at their early stage must interactions with successful women or role models in STEM fields. We must ensure girls and young women have strong female role models to help them feel like they belong in those fields.

Have you seen any success stories where girls are supported in STEM, or are you involved in any directly? Please share in the comments area below

Written by Agnes Mbonyiryivuze

Be stress free from now!

The life is full of stresses but sometimes we contribute to them without knowing. 

It is possible to reduce, and prevent the stress if we use some of these following tips:

1. Identify stressors 

This is the most important step of all. Identifying the things that stress you out in your life is the first step towards eliminating them.

2. Desorganization

Take time to get things in your life organized starting with your desk and papers in your home.

3. Slow down

Instead of rushing through life, learn to take things slow. Enjoy your food, enjoy people around you, enjoy nature. This step alone can save tons of stress.

4. Be grateful

Learn to be grateful for what you have, for people in you life and see it as a gift.

5. Simplify your life

Simplify your commitments, your information intake, your cluttered rooms, the mass of stuff going on in your life,
and have less stress as result.

6. Avoid difficult people

If you take a minute you can identify all the people in your life who make your life more difficult. Just cut them out of your life.

7. Change your thinking

Negative thinking can trigger your body's stress response, just as a real threat does. Stressful events can make you feel bad about yourself. You might start focusing on only the bad and not the good in a situation. This can make you feel afraid, insecure, depressed, or anxious. It's also common to feel a lack of control or self-worth. Dealing with these negative thoughts and the way you see things can help reduce stress

8. Controlling

The only thing you can control is yourself. Work out on that before you consider controlling the world. Learn to let it go, and accept the way that other people do things, and accept what happening in different situations.

9. Lateness

Being late always stresses us out. We have to rush to get there and stress out the whole time about looking bad and being late.

10. Procrastination

Allow stuff to pile up will stress you out.

11.Get support

Sometimes, it can be hard to ask for help. But doing so doesn't mean you're weak. If you're feeling stressed, you can look for support from family, friends, and your community. This has a big impact on how you experience stress. Having support in your life can help you stay healthy.

12. Eliminate unnecessary commitments

See all commitments you have and remove the ones that are the most to stress you out.

13. Develop ssertive communication

Assertive communication helps you express how you feel in a thoughtful and tactful way. Not being able to talk about your needs and concerns creates stress and can make negative feelings worse

Thank you!

Written by Agnes Mbonyiryivuze

16 reasons why you will never be successful in life.

Success is something that most people strive for in life. It is not easily achievable as it takes hard work and many failed attempts until you reach that pivotal point of success. As success seekers, you may wonder why it takes so long and much hard working to reach your goals. Sometimes there are certain situations or challenges that are completely out of your control that can prevent you from being as successful as you otherwise might be. But, there's also the possibility that you're holding yourself back because of one of the following reasons.

1.You keep complaining too much.

Stop wasting your time in complaining why you are not successful. If you’re constantly complaining about the negative things that are around you and how much your life sucks, you’ll never be successful. Instead of complaining, make a positive change that will help you pull out of your slump and find success. Focus on the solution, not the problem. Many of today’s successful people have gone through many challenges in order to get to where they are today.

2. You push off responsibility.

Take responsibility. Make the right choices, because they will either steer you that bit closer to your goals, or away from them. Success is nothing but a series of all the right choices you make. If you want something, got get it yourself. You’re in charge.

3. You are influenced easily by people around you.

If you’re around like-minded people whom are not as hungry as you, you will stop down to their level. Strive to purge the negative people in your life and keep the ones that make you better as a person. While it’s great to get feedback from people, you won’t achieve success if you can’t think for yourself. If you’re in a position where people keep giving you thoughts that confuse you in different directions, remember that you know yourself better than anyone. Listen to others and take in what is valuable and will help you grow. You need to have a focus of where you want to go and stick to it. Don’t let anyone else’s words stand in your way.

4. You don’t value and spend your time wisely.

One common thing many successful entrepreneurs have with each other is that they have this sense of urgency to achieve great things. If you keep telling yourself “tomorrow,” you’ll waste time and possibly never get to it. Remember, you can die at any moment, do the things you need to do right now and invest in tomorrow’s success.

5. You procrastinate.

I don’t care what your reason for procrastinating is. The Law of Diminishing Intent states that if you don’t take action soon after the idea strikes you and the emotion is high, fairly soon the urgency starts to diminish. And the longer you wait, the less likely you will ever get the job done.

6. You don’t take breaks.

Make sure to allocate some time in your day to relax, reflect and day dream. Your mind is a tool that can help solve problems and think of innovative ideas- use it. You need to learn to clear your head once in a while. This allows time to think of reasons why certain things are not working for you. Someone that is constantly doing something that leads to failure will get the same results over and over again.

7. You are a perfectionist.

Perfection does not exist. It is only a great excuse not to get started. Do your best; strive to be good; strive to become better than you were yesterday; but forget perfection. Do not wait; the time will never be ‘just right.’ Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along.

8. You are afraid of criticism.

If you are going to be achieving anything great, expect tons of criticism and haters. Learn to handle them. Learn the kind of criticism you should accept and the kind that you should discard. Not all criticism is of use. In any case, do not let the fear of criticism stop you from doing what you have to do. You do not have to please everyone. That’s a sure route to failure. This is your mission. This is your life. Let’s do this. To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing. 

9. You aren't constantly learning.

Successful individuals are always looking for ways to enhance their lives by learning new information or skills. Whether it's reading a book or participating in a webinar, don't pass up any opportunities that can help you grow as a person. One of the best ways I have found to keep learning is to be interested in things that others are doing. Everyone is an expert at something. You can get a great mini-class from that expert. This can build great friendships, too.

10. You are afraid of failure.

Do things for success, but expect failure along the way. Failure is absolutely necessary. Failure is a life lesson designed to bring out the best in you. If you are too afraid to fail, then don’t start. It’s okay to have some fear, but don’t be too discouraged when you do fail. Because it’s not about how many times or how big you fall, it’s about how many times you’re willing to get up and try again.

11. You don’t believe in yourself.

If you don't believe in yourself, then are you willing to make any serious attempts? Even if it's celebrating a small victory, like getting the contact information of a potential client, you need to find ways that will give your confidence a boost. Don't run yourself down to others or even to yourself. It usually takes effort and doing the hard work that give actual better self-esteem. If you want something with a strong enough passion, you will find ways to make the impossible happen. When your desires are strong enough, you will appear to possess superhuman powers to achieve.

12. You are ungrateful.

Being grateful increases your level of happiness dramatically. You will be much better equipped to face life’s challenges when your natural state is full of joy, happiness, and gratitude. Happiness leads to success. Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.

13.You get distracted easily.

It’s important to understand that you won’t get anything done if you constantly allow distractions to get in your way. Silence your phone and discipline yourself to not surf the web aimlessly; you’ll be much more productive. You can be working, and all of a sudden your phone rings, or you’re getting distracted by social media easily. 

14. You don't network.

Networking is one of the best ways to improve your chances of success. Be a connector and someone who includes everyone no matter who they are. Don't be someone who excludes a person that is different or unusual. You never know when that person will be the one you need or the one who needs you - and you can do some good for someone. You can also learn new information when you network.

15. You have fear to go beyond your comfort zone.

You'll never be able to grow and develop if you stay in one place. Your comfort zone is a place where you feel safe and assured. While that comfort zone is needed from time-to-time, staying in your comfort zone ultimately leads to stagnation and sometimes it can lead to fear.

16. You think negatively.

You put-up roadblocks to success or set yourself up for failure before you even try when you're a negative thinker, or just a pessimist. Work on a becoming a positive thinker by surrounding yourself with positive people and becoming more aware of your surroundings. Be aware of the self-talk conversations you have with yourself. Notice if your main conversations with others are ones where you dump all of your grievances on them. If that is the balance of your conversations then change it immediately.

Since now, decide to make a change and see how successful you will be in your life.

Thank you!

Written by Agnes Mbonyiryivuze